Posts Tagged ‘animal clothes’

“Puttin’ on your top hat…and cleanin’ up your cage…”

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

By Tiber

In spite of all the rain, my sister Iris Nell’s custom-made, All-Weather Gear for Other Animals online business has not been doing too well. Then, suddenly, this week she got an order for 30 hamster hats.

Don’t you find that odd? To me, this immediately brings up a lot of questions.

Is someone throwing a hamster party?

Is someone’s hamster just very rich?

Is there a new hamster restaurant but it has a dress code?

Is someone’s hamster neurotic and he eats his hats?

Is someone’s hamster so large that they’ll need to sew thirty hats together?

Is Paris trying to drum up tourism so now they’re having All- Mammals Fashion Week?

OR…are RATS  planning a government takeover and they can pull it off if  they’re in a more innocent disguise?!?

As usual, I am alone in asking the interesting questions.

Dad just inquired, “So, how much did your sister make?”

Hats on to you

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

By Tiber

My sister, Iris Nell, has gotten even more depressed that she didn’t pick up more holiday customers for her online “custom-made, all-weather gear for other animals” business.

I stopped by her room today and she sighed as she looked at all of those unsold mice macs and sugar-glider sweaters.

“They just look so sad since they’re not being used!”

I feel bad about telling her recently that maybe she ought to branch out into things like unitards for unicorns so tonight I went and talked to Dad.

And when Iris Nell dragged her depressed self in for dinner tonight, the rest of us continued our conversation but my sister saw instantly, that we all were wearing her tiny hamster hats.

Kru, who thinks he’s a superhero anyway, was also sporting one of the little iguana capes.

We looked like idiots but this time at least, we were being idiots for a cause.

And not only did my sister laugh out loud but, being Iris Nell, she also then sobbed for an hour because we’d been good enough to make her so happy.

And a unitard for your unicorn

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

By Tiber 

Because of the money situation right now, we had a pretty scaled-down Christmas this year. And maybe that’s not so bad. We used to buy each other so much stuff that was never even used but, this year, with fewer gifts exchanged, we had to think hard about what people would really want.

My sister, Iris Nell, had been hoping she would have more money to spend, since she started her online business creating custom-made, all-weather gear for small pets other than cats and dogs. But it has proved a slow starter. I guess a lot of people are short of cash right now and maybe a raincoat for your gerbil is not at the top of your Santa list.

I told Iris Nell that she needed to branch out into other animals. And I would even write the ad copy for her!

She could make “Croc Mocs!” – “The softest shoes for your alligator’s rough feet!”

Or how about “Udder Cozies?”

“They’ll keep your cow’s unmentionables toasty on even her chilliest mornings!”

And don’t forget “Boas for Boa Constrictors!”

“Let her look sexy for her own special snake! (With added shoulder attachments to prevent slippage!)”

Iris Nell literally stamped her foot and said I wasn’t taking her business seriously.

I take all businesses seriously and I guarantee you, if anyone who has a snake, a croc or a cow ever contacts her, she’s going to trot out these suggestions and do everything she can to sell them.

I just want my royalties.

So tell us, who is your rat wearing?

Thursday, April 8th, 2010


By Tiber

Since Dad says everybody now has to get a job, my sister, Iris Nell, has finally come up with one that she may be able to handle.

As I’ve said before, one thing Iris Nell can do really well is knit. One of our great-grandmothers taught her and she’s never stopped. It’s not, however, in a sweet, honoring the ancestor sort of way but more in a Madame DeFarge, still-knitting-away-while-heads-are-being-chopped-off-in-the-French-Revolution sort of way. Still, being an obsessive/compulsive  does give you a great deal of experience and Iris Nell figures she can certainly whip out lots of little clothes.

Her first thought was to open a business making dog and cat clothes but she quickly decided that this market was too crowded. So instead, she’s going to open the “It’s Not Raining Cats and Dogs” online shop, where you can buy “custom-made, all-weather gear for other animals.”

To everyone’s great surprise, Mom is evidently helping her. No one knew Mom could even sew. As kids, whenever we tore a piece of clothing, Mom would murmur, “Oh, dear” and then quickly drift out of the room. We have always assumed she had some sort of thread allergy.

But now, my sister and mother are spending hour after hour making hamster hats, sugar glider sweaters and mice macs.

Of course, for me, if you’re actually buying very expensive all-weather animal attire, it immediately brings up two questions:

a) Should you really be taking your exotic little pets outside in all kinds of weather? And-

b) Shouldn’t you be checking yourself into a psychiatric facility?

Evidently, I am alone in asking these questions.