Archive for the ‘security’ Category

He got carded

Monday, November 21st, 2011

By Tiber 

As you know, this house is so big and with so many people working here, even the staff members have become family.

 So the security guys are still with us, even though Dad can’t afford to pay anybody what they were getting before. Glad as I am to have them, the security guys can still be sort of intimidating. Which I guess is the point.

Anyway, Ben is the head man and I think we all know his Achilles’ heel now.

As a former member of Mossad, Ben could probably kill you differently every day of the week. But recently it was his birthday. And the only card my mother could find in the house was a grossly sentimental one.

So she went ahead and presented it to him.

So overcome was Ben by my mother’s kindness and that “sweet leetle bunny” on the card, that he burst into tears and fled to the bathroom.

So you see, I know now that even I could bring Mr. Tough Guy down if I wanted.

I figure one of those big-eyed plushy toys wrapped in Hello Kitty paper would do it.

Yeah. I’ve still got it.

Rockabye, SWAT Team

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

By Tiber 

Nobody ever goes up to the old nursemaid’s room at the very end of the second floor of the staff wing.

It’s past even what used to be the day nursery and the night nursery. Clearly, the Victorians, who built this house, felt that children not only shouldn’t be heard, they basically should be kept in another city.

Dad used to try to leave us over there but, too bad for him, we kept finding our way back.

Anyway, the security guys heard noises in the room and since things are usually pretty quiet around here, they were thrilled to be able to conduct a raid.

It turned out it was just Brunty, the butler, trying to find a new place to sleep.

His wife, Mrs. Brunty, the housekeeper, doesn’t mind anybody else drinking but she was so furious when her husband got drunk that she’d thrown him out of their bedroom.

That alone would probably have sobered Brunty up again. But since his one lapse also caused what looked like King Kong’s Killer Commandos to practically parachute in onto his head has definitely done it.

So the Bruntys are happily back together. It’s only the security guys who are a little down because it probably will be awhile before they can kick in another door.

Dad understands and he’s promised that when he gets back on his feet again financially, he’ll throw in a few doors for free and the guys can basically turn them into toothpicks.