Archive for the ‘Saskia’ Category

Don’t crush your crush

Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

By Tiber

Ever since Dad has been trying to cut down on expenses, he’s ended up with more people living here than ever before.

Cook’s sister, Saskia, hit her own hard times and Cook asked Dad if she could live out in the gatehouse. Dad said yes but Saskia, for some reason, can never remember who he is. And whenever he drives in, she’s always confronting him, yelling, “Halt! Who goes there?!?”

Both Saskia and Cook are really tall and powerful women and with Cook already intimidating Dad inside the house, having Saskia leap at him outside has made him feel that he’s now living in some “Amazons Attack!” B-movie.

Last night, though, Saskia did not fly out of the gatehouse.

Dad did hear the back window opening.

And then, in the fading light, he saw Nestor, the gardener, scurry away across the grounds.

Nestor has been staying over in the staff wing since he got a divorce but evidently, he’s not over in the staff wing all the time.

Love may be in the air. Love may be in the eye of the beholder and clearly, love may now be in the gatehouse.

In the challenging world that we live in, I support any couple hooking up as much as the next person.

It’s just that Nestor, while pretty strong, is also pretty tiny. And Saskia is so big, she could comfortably wear a pair of moose as earrings and they’d never touch the ground.

So while some couples may look like models and some couples may look like each other, every time I think of Nestor standing next to Saskia, the only image I can think of  is that of a point one.

“Have fun stormin’ the castle!”

Monday, January 24th, 2011

By Tiber

Even though Dad is trying to cut down on expenses, we’re ending up with even more people living here than ever before.

Cook’s recently divorced sister, Saskia, is now living in the gatehouse. Dad still has the security guys but Cook said her sister could earn her keep by doing a little extra screening of any arrivals.

Saskia is as Amazonian as Cook and, it turns out, three times as draconian so whenever anybody she doesn’t remember appears, she’s starting to greet them with the welcome of Cerberus at the entrance to hell.

A woman came up to the gatehouse unannounced this evening and Saskia sprang into full-bore security mode.

She pawed through the contents of the woman’s purse, did a full pat-down on her, made her sing a famous song everybody learns in grade school (figuring a terrorist wouldn’t know it), waved what looked like a ruler over the “suspect’s” hands to “check for gunshot residue” and then made her walk a straight line and touch her nose in a DUI sting.

The woman did not do very well on the last part because, being a WASP and “with the sun over the yardarm,” she’d already enjoyed Happy Hour.

“Ah, ha!” yelled Saskia, having made at least some kind of catch.

“Ah ha, yourself, you dreadful wombat!” the criminal/terrorist retorted. “If you will think back a few minutes, you will remember that I didn’t drive over here anyway but was dropped off by my friend, Henrietta.”

Grandma Noni had a point.

Raise the drawbridge, lower the Dad…She’s living in the gatehouse and you shall not pass

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

By Tiber

Here Dad is trying to cut expenses and now he’s got another person living here.

Cook’s sister, Saskia, just lost her job and her husband.

As a side note, when did women start getting so big? I don’t mean fat. I just mean big. Cook’s taller than I am and Saskia’s even bigger than she is. I really think her husband may not have left so much as just run away. Duncan’s always maintained that the reason Cook never knew her father was because he was actually a sasquatch. And with the appearance of this giant sister, he claims this confirms it.

“Her name’s even Saskia! She’s named after him!”

Duncan is going to get us all killed one day by the simple use of his mouth.

Anyway, Cook asked Dad if her sister could live here until things get better. Knowing that money’s tight right now, though, she had already worked out the perfect space and job for her. She could be our gatekeeper! Our house was built long before security cameras and for almost a hundred  years, someone did live in the gatehouse and screen visitors.

So, even though Dad has still kept on his regular security guys, as a favor to Cook, he said yes to Saskia living in the gatehouse.

“You won’t even know she’s there!” Cook assured him.


Dad knows all too well that she’s there.  Because of her ex-husband, maybe Saskia’s wary of all men now. But for whatever reason, she never remembers who Dad is. And every time he drives in or even out, she throws herself in front of his car, yelling, “Halt! Who goes there?”

Dad’s feeling less and less like a man just coming back home with his dry cleaning and more and more like a barbarian salivating  to storm the castle.