To Hell and back

By Tiber 

As you know, I’m working over at Larry’s Discount Occult this Halloween season. But I may not survive there until Halloween.

I’ve never seen anything like it.

Larry put a number of items on sale and the response has been a solid wall of shoppers. My sister, Iris Nell, is working there full time and I told her how insane it was for Larry to discount items right now and she said, “Yes, but look! There are more people in here than ever!”  Then I realized that from a retail point of view, that probably was good. From my point of view, it was more of an, “Oh, dear God, no!!! There are more people in here than ever!!!”

And of course, since it’s Larry’s Discount Occult, you have to deal with freaks and fetishists and what are, clearly, demonic forces.

Unsurprisingly, though, the most frightening customers are the high school girls. Those Heathers will beat a real witch into the ground if she so much as looks at the last pointy hat.

And the girls’ contempt for the demons was so condescending, so withering, you could actually see the evil fiends suddenly revisiting their own miserable days at Hell High in their minds.

And soon, they were scuttling out the door as fast as possible, with floods of tears almost shorting out their glowing little purple eyes.

Wonderful. You just know that later, those demons are going to think this over, be ashamed that they fled and they’re going to return every item they bought.

Those black candles will obviously have been used. But I’m going to take them back anyway and Larry’s going to have a fit. But better Larry than the demons.

I don’t want to challenge them. I’m only human, after all. That’s right. I am a human. I am, not, in fact, a high school girl.


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