The Ha-Ha Spa


By Tiber

I just read a headline about a spa in a hotel in Europe where they’re recreating a “back to the womb” experience to help guests relax and feel better.

Reading on, however, the spa turned out to be not much more than people in a slowly revolving room with low lighting, soft music and pink carpets.

No, no, no!

First of all, if I’m in the womb, then the whole time I’m there, I think I should have the entire facility and all of the amenities to myself.

Second, I want to be able to get a new brain.

The one I’m using now has millions of files and folders and I don’t even know how half of them got in there, I’m wasting space storing information on fanny packs and Funyuns, Urkel, the Macarena, the smell of burning tires, Deuce Bigelow:European Gigolo, way too many vampires and zither music.

And I’ll never be able to delete any of them!

So, you’re going to have to offer me a spa-ready, fresh brain, as well.

And third, I want everything comped.

I shouldn’t get a spa bill or even a hotel bill, for that matter.  I’m in the womb, remember? What, you think I have a credit card?

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