She’s not stealing mail, she’s just resting her chin

By Tiber 

We got a call that one of my brother Duncan’s triplets was stuck. Again.

This time it was Shirley who’d gotten her head wedged in a neighbor’s mailbox. The other two siblings, surprisingly for them, were at least trying to pull her out. Mostly, though, they were just stretching out her neck.

Somebody called us, since even neighbors who don’t know the triplets personally, all know of them.

My sister-in-law hurried over. She also took Mom, the triplets’ grandmother, which was smart since Mom, unlike the rest of us, actually possesses some actual, if vague, charm.

Mom assured the neighbor, whose mailbox her granddaughter’s head was stuck in, that a frightened little bird had undoubtedly flown into the box accidentally and the children were trying to free it. And I think Mom may have even believed that.

It’s always better if the kids’ mother, Honor, doesn’t speak at all. She did try to smile at the neighbor, which was disturbing enough since Honor’s “pleasant” face tends to resemble the Frankenstein monster posing for modeling shots.

The emergency guys soon arrived and they freed Shirley and her head.

Since Duncan actually named his three children Lauren, Shirley and Bo and since this is easily the 4000th time that the emergency squad has had to free a triplet from something stupid, I wouldn’t blame them at all if, instead of referring to their invaluable “Jaws of Life,” they simply went ahead and started saying that, for us, they’ll be bringing along their necessary and all-too-appropriate equipment, the “Jaws of Stooge.”


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