Look into my eyes. You’re getting very oinky.

By Tiber

I picked up my sister, Erin, from her after-school job today. As I’ve said before, she’s now working at Larry’s Discount Occult. (“Sure you want to hex them but why pay full-price?”) It turns out I sort of like it there plus Erin plays good music.

Today, though, the only sound I heard at the shop was the braying voice of Larry, the owner, as he came out from the stock room. To my mind, you can’t look less magical than Larry but then again, his shop is a success so maybe he is.

Anyway, he soon left and right after that, a goddess entered. This woman was beautiful. Erin could see my jaw slacken and my eyes go all pointy so she made the sale quickly and the goddess had exited before I knew it.

I was heading out after her when Erin threw herself in front of the door and blocked my way.

“What are you doing?!? I want to talk to her!”

“You don’t want her.”

“Come on, Erin. Don’t worry. I’ll check her out before we hook up.”

“She bought the spell kit that turns men into swine. You think pigs can file restraining orders?!?”

Great. My relationship M. O. has always been to seek out the crazies, end up miserable and then harp on it forever. Erin, being young and stupid, may have just spoiled my perfect record.


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