But I’ve found a driver and that’s a start

By Tiber

Because of the economy, my sister Vanessa’s limousine business has been a little slow. So, since they often were driving people to funerals anyway, Vanessa decided to branch out with a couple of hearses.

This week, a client booked one of the hearses to transport the casket to the gravesite after the small church ceremony. Vanessa put a new driver on the job but he’d been out late the night before and while the service was going on, he sprinted across the street to grab some coffee. A few seconds later, somebody sprinted off with the hearse and it was gone faster than the person they were going to put in it.

The other hearse was already booked but Vanessa hurried over anyway and since it was almost nightfall and they had to get to the gravesite, she convinced the clients to let her transport the casket in her own SUV.

SUVs may look big but they quickly seem less so when you’re trying to stuff a coffin in the back.

It stuck way out and they were soon stopped by a cop for “an oversized load.” He said they had to red-flag it but since it was a funeral, nobody was wearing anything red. Vanessa made a quick purchase at a nearby party store and they were off again…until this time, the SUV was stopped for speeding.

Being as pretty as she is, Vanessa can usually get out of these situations. But this cop hard-lined it. Evidently being way more sensitive than he looked, he sputtered that it was no way to red-flag an oversized casket by sticking a festive Santa hat on it.

As the cop slowly wrote Vanessa up, the sun was sinking lower and lower in the sky. With the cemetery just over the hill, the funeral group finally decided to just carry the casket this last distance themselves.

It proved heavier than they thought, however, and Vanessa said later that though she’d watched them struggle up the hill with it, when they crossed over the crest, they all suddenly took off. Soon, there was a loud crash, followed by a thud and then a very audible, “uh-oh. ”

Vanessa turned back to the cop and told him there was no rush. At times like these, a family might want a little privacy.

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