It’s gotta be a sign

By Tiber

I was stopped at a traffic light today and I noticed a sign for the “Titanic Driving School.” Now, obviously, I know that “titanic” just means “of great size.” But still, this isn’t your first thought whenever you see the word, is it? Are the driving school owners historically ignorant? Or maybe they know about the big ship and they just don’t care.

“Hey, none of you students are ever gonna run into an iceberg anyway, are you? So shut up!”

I don’t know, though, it does seem to me, that if you were running a driving school, you’d want to avoid the image of anybody crashing into anything.

This got me to thinking about other shop signs and I was reminded of one that I really loved. We had a new dry-cleaners open up in the neighborhood and the owners didn‘t speak English all that well. I guess they wanted a catchy slogan and when they finally found a saying that had something to do with their business, they snapped it up and emblazoned their window with the words “Bring us all of your clothes and we’ll take you to the cleaners!”

I wanted them to keep their slogan forever but either somebody told them what it really meant or else their business stopped completely and they asked, but in any case, that sign soon disappeared.

Another store sign I drive by occasionally just sort of baffles me. The shop is called “Darts and Things.” Obviously, the “things” part of “Darts and Things” would probably include dartboards. But what else? Are there dart gloves? That’s still not enough for a whole store, is it?

So what are the other things? They could be as common as shampoos or as esoteric as, I don’t know, robot clothes. But how would you know without stopping?

I could go in and see what  they sell for myself. But that would probably spoil it. As it is, I like to imagine what all is in there. Well, darts, we know that…but I also think they have gleaming rows of Zambonis, remote-controlled waffle-makers, aquarium furniture, flying carpets, invisible inks, video games from the future, self-filling beer bottles and bear repellant.


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