I Love Your Car, Man

By Tiber

As I reported back in December, here Dad is, trying to save money and Mom suddenly brought home two peacocks. Well, they’re a peacock and a peahen.

Dad went crazy but Mom explained that their other owner couldn’t afford to keep them either but they certainly couldn’t be released into the wild because the other birds would pick on them for being so much more attractive.

“Attractive?!?,” Duncan blurted out. “The male, maybe, but that is one head-jerkingly ugly-ass peahen.”

Of course, this comment (and truism) meant that Mom and my sister, Iris Nell, would keep and protect the peahen from then on, no matter what.

And “no matter what” has just arrived.

I will never be able to stamp out the noise from my brain. It started with a shrieking up-and-down-the-scale animal cry which was then joined by a metallic groaning and scratching and heaving.

We all raced outside when we heard it. And there he was. The male peacock. Evidently Duncan had been right. The peahen was not hot enough. And the peacock had instead found his dream mate in the form of a blue Porsche that was parked in front of the house. He wasn’t the first male to fall in love with that car…only in his case, he wanted the car to know it. Twice.

Why couldn’t it have been a friend’s car? Our friends are used to us. But no, it belonged to a new potential financial partner of Dad’s. I think we can now change the word “potential” to “will never be at any time, any place or any circumstance ever.”

They say that love is a game and in the game between the peacock and the Porsche, the car lost.

So Dad says the male peacock has got to go. He’s probably right, unless we want to hire someone to stand outside all the time and wave away everybody driving a blue car.

The female can stay though, and already, Iris Nell is worrying that she’ll be too lonely all by herself. It’s clear that instead of hunting for work, the rest of us are going to have to get out there and find a friend for the peahen. And what will be most time-consuming about this is that the next peacock will need one of two things. 1) to be really unattractive himself or 2) glasses.

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