Beware of the Cook

By Tiber

For some reason, when you have a lot of people working for you, the biggest diva of all will be the cook. Ours is no exception.

We mostly – and imaginatively – call our cook, “Cook.”  Her real name, though, is Heidi. And a person less like a “Heidi” you will probably never meet.

If, for some reason, all of the world’s Heidis went bad and you had to send a hunting party into the Alps to take down the last of them, our Heidi would be the lead commando.

She’s very tall. And in spite of that, when she’s off-duty, she likes wearing these really big hats.  I had a dream about her once where she was this giant Pez dispenser, chasing me around the dining room and trying to clamp down on my head and pop it off.

Her past history is pretty vague. We know she was engaged once but evidently, she broke it off. Her fiance was a truly nice man from South Korea and Vanessa says she really did love him. She just couldn’t bear the prospect of going through life having to introduce herself with, “Hi. Heidi Hye.”

If Dad is trying to cut back on expenses, as we think he is, I still doubt if he’ll fire Cook. He says it’s because her food is so good plus somebody’s got to cook for all of the people who still live here. Those are true, as far as they go.

But I can see the real reason Dad won’t fire her in his eyes. He’s had that same dream and he knows that if he pushes her too hard, she’ll clamp down and pop his whole head off too.

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