Lights! Camera! Moron!

By Tiber

Still hiding out in my old bedroom at my parents’ estate, I suddenly saw shadows crossing my balcony. My room is three stories up, so this was not good. My mother’s billion-thread-count sheets almost counted something else on them because suddenly, two men burst through the balcony doors while a third man came crashing through my bedroom door.

Life gives you very few moments that define you as a man. Or somethng else. With only seconds to respond, how you react shows the world what you’re made of.

Me? I measured up the size, the strength, the firepower of my assassins…and I threw jelly beans at them. And they put down their guns!

Okay, fine, it was only because they recognized me. It was my father’s security team. But hear me out! My instincts were spot-on. I had accurately assessed the situation with robot-like precision, given the response weaponry available to me at the time. I knew the cake was too soft. And the chips, though aerodynamically sound for a short flight, could never go the distance.

So jelly beans were the correct choice, carrying with them a true stinging capability as well as every mother’s nightmare of “putting someone’s eye out.”

I could see that none of my bulls-eye decisions were being credited by these guys, though. To them, my great defense was lobbing tiny sweets at them. Charge!

“Meester Tiber! I am so sorry!”

This was from Ben, Dad’s Israeli head of security.

“We caught a man on the geem cam!” (that would be the security camera in the third- floor gym that I thought was turned off.)

They all shuffled out, trying to look serious. Of course, I knew they were just trying not to laugh. Ben says he won’t tell my father I’ve moved back home, which may or may not be true.

What I know for sure, however, is that from now on, my security code-name’s going to be “candy-ass.”

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