The beginning of the blog

By Tiber

My job was outsourced, my girlfriend left me and in a freak pest control accident, which wasn’t even my fault, half of my apartment blew up, leaving my big-screen TV the size of confetti. Cheers!

My name is Tiber (middle names are Luke and Philo but that’s another story). I’m named after the river in Rome which is a great river. I just didn’t like it as my name  because it was different. But now I like it fine, especially since I found out that one day later in my parents’ itinerary and I could have ended up as “House of the Vestal Virgins…Luke Philo.” 

In any case, with nowhere to live and no money for therapy, I decided to secretly move back into my old room in my parents’ house. The reason I figured I could get away with this and pretend I was just dropping by a lot for meals, is because my parents’ house covers about an acre. The family made its fortune back in the 1800’s manufacturing ladies’ whalebone corsets.

I always wished it was in something more macho, like the Vanderbilts’ railroads but hey, who am I to complain?  By the time women realized, “Hey, you mean if I stop wearing these things, I can breathe?!?,” our money was made.

Most of my adult brothers and sisters have never even moved out but my sister, Iris Nell, was the only one to know that I’d moved back in. She frowned.   

“Look, I know you lost your job but is there any way you could run after it?”

“No. I’ll get something else. Eventually. In the meantime, I’ll just live here.”  And that’s when she told me. There’s a rumor going around that Dad’s money may be going too. Or even gone. How is this possible? It was a lot of money. It was a lot of underwear!  

Wild-eyed, Iris Nell grabbed my shirt sleeve and froze, as if she’d just seen blood oozing out from under my bed.  

“We may all have to get jobs!!!”    

Well, this should be interesting.  As far as I know, nobody in my family can actually do anything.  Our house is really named “Villa de la Lune” but we long ago reduced that to the more aptly titled “Villa de Loon.” I have a feeling that now, this is going to be more true of it than ever.

Tags: , , , ,

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.