We have stage fright and so does the audience

By Tiber

Well, this weekend, we saw the fulfillment of another one of Dad’s money-making ideas. He decided months ago that our whole family and staff could perform some “Shakespeare on the Estate” and then we could charge admission.

The bonus would be that we’d be bringing some culture to the area as well.

I managed to get out of performing by saying, legitimately as it turned out, that someone would be needed for crowd control.

Mom’s only contribution was to tell Dad to pick one of Shakespeare’s lesser known plays to give the audience something new.

Of course, when you have an extremely famous author and one of his works is rarely staged, there may be a reason for that.

Nevertheless, Mom’s advice was taken and Shakespeare’s seldom seen “Titus Andronicus” was chosen.

My younger sister, Erin, took one look at the character named the “Queen of the Goths” and was hooked. I should have explained to her that there’s a big difference between the real Goths and her own version of teenage Goth but it probably wouldn’t have mattered.

The evening had barely begun and already the “dramatic” acting was so bad that the audience decided they were seeing a comedy and settled in for a relaxing evening of family fun.

Unfortunately, before they knew it, this play then zooms off into betrayal, kidnapping, murder, adultery, rape.

Dismembered limbs were flying everywhere and a couple of the characters actually end up in pies.

I’ve heard of unhappy audiences hurrying for the exits but we had people begging me to shove them into Dad’s old Revolutionary War cannon so they could be shot off the property.

We had parents throwing their children over their heads in tag teams to get them to their cars faster.

It’s really bad when your attempts to bring culture to a community backfire so much, that stores soon report a drop even in the sale of yogurt.

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