I’ve misplaced the can opener. Can we just use your fangs?

By Tiber

In common with a lot of other people today, my youngest sister, Erin, is obsessed with vampires.

In entertainment, vampires definitely are all over the place. With so much repetition, however, the line between the fictional and the real begins to blur. And now Erin is starting to speculate whether, with so many people living here, one of us might be a vampire too.

Since Erin works at Larry’s Discount Occult, she would love to be that vampire herself. If she promised not to “undead” the customers, it would really increase her sales figures.

She’s not the one, of course, so her eye keeps falling elsewhere.

Our brother, Duncan, is weird enough but not cool enough.

Our sister, Vanessa, is beautiful and pale but she’s also so disdainful that while many people would like to bite her, they’re generally too scared to do it.

I’d love it if it were Mom. The idea of someone politely stalking the Junior League to pounce on those pearl-clad necks is pretty funny.

But if I had to pick one person in the house as being our vampire, I guess I’d have to go with Brunty, the butler. He’s so absent-minded, he would think he had bitten people when he hadn’t – which would explain our low vamp count.

And thank God that for a long time, he’s been losing his sense of smell. I’m pretty sure that if you had to, you could keep him from craving your blood by just pacifying him with a warm Bloody Mary.

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