Move your mollusks

By Tiber 

The snails have returned and are starting to eat the plants in our new vegetable garden.

My sister, Iris Nell, has been caring for these plants but of course, Iris Nell being Iris Nell, she cares about the snails too.

When she was little, she noticed that, for some reason, after the gardeners had been near any group of snails, the snails would instantly disappear.

Iris Nell became distraught.

The then gardener told her that the snails had been taken to a beautiful snail farm in upper state New York where they were having a wonderful time. Iris Nell frowned and the gardener panicked.

“Did I say New York? It was Las Vegas! I meant Las Vegas!…Or…or Spain?”

So Iris Nell quickly wised up. And she put a stop to it.

Even Dad agrees now that she was right about the chemicals. But we still haven’t found a fool-proof way of keeping the snails off the vegetables.

So this time, we’re transporting them, by hand, as far away from the gardens as we can.

Even more surprising, the volatile and insane Saskia was out there helping us – or helping her new boyfriend, Nestor, the gardener, I should say.

The snail transport won’t help for long, of course. Somehow, even across huge snail distances, the intrepid little gastropods always find their way back.

But then again, Saskia and Nestor have found their way to each other too and the distance between them was a hell of a lot greater.

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