We are not amused at the amusement park

By Tiber

My brother Kru’s cat sand delivery business is going well but he also got a summer job this past weekend at the big amusement park.

Unfortunately, the job was dressing up as one of those life-sized costumed cartoon characters.

This one is a famous character which, frankly, I always thought looked like a homunculus with a hangover. 

But then the manager said to Kru, “I was a cartoon character when I started here and believe me, you’ll never feel as loved as when you play a little kid’s fantasy figure.”

Kru, who’s never felt he’s had enough love in his life, was hooked.

And it was true. Cute little kids would spot Kru all the way across the park and run to him, open-armed, for a hug.

Of course, there were also the other children. We have some right here!

And the parents of these kids? They would just look on with pride as their little sweeties systematically dismembered a park employee.

“Good motor skills, Jason!”

One group of kids pried off one of Kru’s costume feet and began to gnaw on his real toes, while another group stacked themselves into a pyramid so the top kid could dive-bomb onto Kru’s big head.

Needless to say, completely traumatized, Kru has already quit. We were at the mall last night and I had to go out as a scouting party ahead of him so I could always send back the warning.

“Prepare yourself! Toddler at three o’clock!”

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