Did your shellfish just giggle?

By Tiber 

I’m always interested in idiotic phrases that we all, for some reason, pick up from the previous generation and just keep on using.

I heard someone talk about being as “happy as a clam.” Really? A clam? Who started this?

Of all the examples of a creature being happy or content or even just sort of mildly pleased, would you pick a clam?!?

Have you ever run into a clam at a party? Have you seen one at an amusement park?

And how could you possibly discern the mood of a clam in the first place? They have no heads!

Has anyone ever had a pet clam? Have you seen one joyfully pouncing on a piece of string? Have you seen one thrilled to be hanging its shell out the open window of a moving car?

Conversely, have you ever known a vet to treat a clam for depression? If clams are supposed to be the pinnacle of happiness, wouldn’t a few be bound to fall short and need treatment?

Don’t get me wrong, though. I want the little bivalves to have the most enjoyable lives they can, but seriously, if I ever saw a clam blasting some tunes and ecstatically dancing down the beach, I think I’d be inclined to call the authorities.

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