Putting your foot in your mouth is right down my alley

By Tiber

If you’re ever feeling bad about your life, remember there are people out there like my parents’ maid, Taffy. The Universe is clearly out to get her or maybe her purpose here really is to make others feel better about their own lot.

As you know, Taffy has gotten hiccups that wouldn’t stop,  had her hair caught in a high wall sconce and was almost killed by a fish that somehow fell  out of the sky and smashed her windshield.

This time, she got her foot stuck in her mouth. Literally.

Was there a bet involved? A scientific experiment? A lack of lunchmeat? That crucial detail we never learned over here in the family wing.

A doctor was called but he said it might be awhile before he arrived because he was attending to some “important cases.” I would have put “foot stuck in your mouth” right near the top of “important cases” but evidently, it’s farther down the list than I thought.

Anyway, in hopes of cheering Taffy up, one of the security guys said, “Wow, you’re kind of stuck in the shape of a big bowling ball. While we wait, you wanna play?”

My response would have been more, I don’t know, venomous, but Taffy just gamely replied, (around her foot), “Okuh.”

They grabbed a bunch of items from the kitchen and set them up as bowling pins.

And Taffy was carefully but firmly rolled down the butler’s hall towards them. They couldn’t really get her up to optimum speed so it took a few tries but on about the fifth one, she did manage  to knock down every “pin” – which also knocked her foot out of her mouth.

When the doctor was told not to come, he asked what had worked on Taffy. “A strike,” he was told and, not surprisingly, he said that he really didn’t think violence had been necessary.

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