Spork dork

By Tiber

Obviously, I had planned to do a little accelerated work on quantum physics today, but it’s so hot that my mind selected another equally important topic to ponder.


I like sporks. Sporks, of course,  are those combination utensils that are part fork and part spoon. I wouldn’t even care if they called them “foons” and gave the other one top billing.

Some people think they’re stupid. Maybe that’s why I feel compelled to defend them. I’m turning into my sister, Iris Nell, who always feels compelled to defend any underdog…or undercutlery, in this case.

I just like sporks and I can back it up. You’re eating meat with some gravy. You need a spork! Vegetable soup? Better with a spork! Evidently, the aesthetic police hate them because they aren’t “pleasing” to look at. Who cares?

Vanessa says, “They look like something Neanderthals would use.”

Fine! Maybe it’s an attribute the Neanderthals had over us. They had an appreciation for the simple, for the less chaotic life of having fewer things around.

Actually, now that I think about it, Neanderthals probably spent every waking second of their lives wishing they had a million more things around. But still, now we’ve overdone it. We need to simplify our item count.

You could even caulk your bathtub with a spork. Of course, Neanderthals didn’t have bathtubs either. But the Romans did. So I wouldn’t be surprised if, one of these days, a discovery is made that proves that the Romans, along with roads, aqueducts, an effective military and an unsupported architectural dome, also gave us …sporks!

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