Duncan’s “I Can Live With That” Dating Service – Part II

By Tiber

As I’ve said before, my brother, Duncan the Dim, has actually come up with a business that has some money-making potential. He and his wife, Honor, seem to be making a go of their “I Can Live With That” dating service.

They’ve set up in the cloak room off the entrance hall, since Mom won’t let their customers any closer into the house. And I watched Honor in action with a client today.

“Now, how we’re different is that we believe it’s not the things you share with a partner that make a relationship work as much as how many of your “dumpable” traits the two of you can tolerate, as long as you  know about them in advance.”

The guy nodded vigorously. “That‘s why I liked your ad! A number of ladies have definitely ended up wanting to kill me.”

“Then let’s get all of you right out in the open Okay, first off, I see that you’re overweight.”

“Yes, but I’ve just joined a gym!”

“Now, remember who you‘re talking to. Do you ever plan to go”

“…No.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m a very active sports guy, though.”

“Playing or sofa?”

The guy shuffled around a bit but finally came clean.

“Sofa…But at least I wouldn’t be out with other women…And I’d even be willing to take a real girlfriend away for a vacation.”

“Would you pay for a 3, 4 or 5 star hotel?”

“Oh, God, no. None of those.”

“Would you at least go for lodging without bedbugs or toxic mold?”

“…Yeah…I guess I could spring for that.”

“Now in terms of ‘crazy,’ how much are you willing to put up with? The categories are: 1) quirky 2) eccentric 3) fanatic 4) loco and 5) batshit.“

“Well, ‘batshit’ would be out. But I could probably go as high as a 3, maybe even a 4. I mean, I’m a fanatic about sports and we all can be loco at times.”

So eventually Duncan and Honor tallied the guy up.

“Okay, your category is ‘lazy, fat, crazy, obsessive and cheap, with a truly crap track record.’ Surprisingly enough, though, we could also give you ‘faithful and tolerant.’”

“I’ll take it!” the man yelled.

And my guess is, he’ll find a girl who will too.

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