The Mad Hatter

By Tiber

At any given time, it’s pretty much a sure thing that my brother, Duncan, has pissed somebody off about something. About two weeks ago, he went after my other brother, Kru, and I have to say, Kru is getting back at him in a very creative way.

He was talking to Duncan and he adopted this tragic tone and said he’d read online where there was a new side effect of global warming.

Duncan bit.

“What is it?”

“It’s where the enhanced temperatures are actually making some people’s heads expand. It’s such a new condition, they don’t know if it will stop or if it will just continue until the victims’ heads explode.”

Duncan just rolled his eyes and left.

Of course, that was before Kru started slipping a small piece of cardboard into the inside brim of Duncan’s favorite baseball cap every day. At first, Duncan didn’t seem to notice anything but soon, there was no mistaking that his cap, for no apparent reason, was getting increasingly too small for his head. And then he remembered what Kru had said.

“Where did you read that thing about peoples’ heads expanding due to global warming? I looked online and I didn’t see anything.”

Kru just nodded. “Oh, they said they were going to delete all references to it. Why upset people when there’s no known cure? Plus, the odds of anyone getting it are so small. I mean, how many people ever win $10,000 in the lottery?”

Duncan’s eyes bugged out of his now giant head and he reminded Kru, “I did once!”

“Oh, that’s right,” said Kru, as he wandered off, “I forgot.”

The last time I saw Duncan, he was sporting three of his wife’s stretch belts tied tightly around his skull. He told her he just didn’t want to lose any more hair but I think Kru and I know better.

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