Duncan’s “I Can Live With That” Dating Service

By Tiber

I’ve never given my brother, Duncan, much credit for good ideas because, well, let’s face it, he’s never had any. Now that everybody around here has to bring in some income, though, Duncan and his wife may have come up with one of the best ideas of all.

They’re going to start a dating service. I know, big deal. But this one is different.

The idea probably comes from their own bad experiences in the dating world. We never thought a human female existed on the planet who would marry Duncan. But one did. And now that we know her too, I’m sure she caused the horrified flight of just as many dates as he did. So I guess, maybe it lodged in their minds that it would be better if people knew beforehand what they were getting into.

Therefore, their new dating service is going to be called, “I Can LIve With That.”

Instead of matching up your good qualities, this service tells you up front, all of the other person’s worst traits. And really, isn’t it more important to know that the other person accidentally keeps answering the door naked, instead of whether or not you both collect porcelain pigs? Then, you can make the call.

“Can I live with that?”

Background checks will be conducted, of course, to make sure that it’s all listed. She shop-lifted but never burglarized. He shot the sheriff but he did not shoot the deputy. That sort of thing.

Mix and match! Nail-biting, check-kiting, friend-spiting, bar-fighting, yeti-sighting – I can live with one, two, three, four, five, all or none of the above.

Because what good relationships are about, really, is whether your levels of tolerance match. One person can marry an ax murderer while another will divorce you if you burp.

For me? Okay, if I got a “knuckle-cracking, weight-worrier who parks in handicapped spaces.” Pass.

But if I found a “She watches too much tv, was once arrested, for mooning a politician and laughs so hard that milk comes out of her nose,”…well,

I can live with that.

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