Meanwhile…back at Larry’s Discount Occult

 

By Tiber 

As I said before, since I’m unemployed, sometimes in the afternoon, I drop by to say hi to my teenage sister, Erin, at her new part-time job at Larry’s Discount Occult. (Whose motto is “Sure you want to hex them but why pay full price?”)

This time, she had a suggestion for me.

“Hey, since you need a new job, people tell me they’ve had great luck attracting work by using these skull candles. You burn them outdoors while you dance naked around an oak tree, repeating your career goal over and over.”

I told her that certainly would solve the job problem since people put into mental institutions aren’t required to have them.

Fortunately, a customer arrived before Erin could “help” me any more. This new guy was pale, gaunt and clearly demonic-looking. But Erin was all cheery as she approached him.

“Hello. Oh, wow. Something smells good. What is it?”

I panicked. What the hell was she thinking?!? That smell clearly came from the cologne of the last person this guy killed. Or maybe he has scented satin in the coffin he sleeps in.

The man paused – way too long, I thought – and then, finally said, “Cookie dough.”

Oh, dear God. I saw it all clearly in an instant. Erin had forced him to lie and now he knew that we knew he had lied because he was hiding something horrific. And he wasn’t about to let that get out. The only way to stop it would be to kill us.

But then the man just proceeded to buy a dancing ghost cookie jar and a set of “black-cats-in-hats” place-mats for a party he was throwing for his grandkids. Evidently, he did smell like cookie dough.

I find vetting the customers at Larry’s Discount Occult very difficult. If I worked here, I’d end up beating innocent shoppers with the broomsticks while the undead easily raided the till.

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