The pitter-patter of bigger feet

By Tiber

With Dad saying everybody in the family has to get some kind of work, we all knew it would be hard for my sister, Iris Nell. She’s so sensitive just being here on earth, that with some jobs, she’d instantly pass out from nerves and I doubt they would pay her for being a doorstop.

Over the holidays, though, Iris Nell found something she thought she could actually handle. She could be a line-sitter! A local store received too few of the new phones so they put them on sale for a limited time and not everyone who wanted one could go. So people were hired as line-sitters.

Iris Nell is very patient so she figured she could happily sit there and knit. One of our great-grandmothers taught her how to knit when she was little and she’s never stopped. And frankly, the whole family is knitted-out. We’ve all gotten lots of scarves which I guess are okay, but now, she’s started knitting these horrible brimless caps that make everyone look like they’re wearing giant, annoyed condoms.

On the line-sitting job, though, we figured, even with the cold, Iris Nell could speed-knit one of her scarves and give it to someone ahead of her, who’d then let her jump the line.

She never lasted the whole night, though, and had to be brought home. While other people were hooking up with each other, Iris Nell hooked up with the plague. Well, to be truthful, Dr. Moore, our family doctor, hasn’t been sure what it was. But Iris Nell’s feet became so swollen, it looked as if she had on galoshes, galoshes made of a color I have since been told is Barbie pink.

Duncan’s two 10 year-old daughters were drawn to Iris Nell’s feet like magnets near a refrigerator. They stood by her bed and poked her feet, as she slept, as if the feet were pink dough and maybe freshly-baked Barbies would soon rise out of them.

Iris Nell’s feet are sort of back to normal now but when my sister-in-law found out her daughters had touched them, she asked Dr. Moore if she could hose the girls down with disinfectant in the yard. He opted for antibiotics. I think I would have gone with the hose.

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