It’s Bring Your Rat To School Day

By Tiber

With Dad’s current financial problems, Cook may not be convinced that she won’t be fired, but personally, I think she’s safe. Dad loves the pies she makes. Dad loves all of her cooking. Dad knows that having Mom cook would probably kill us all. 

As I’ve said before, my mother rarely eats, so the idea of cooking something every day has always been sort of mystifying to her. Once, she made a real effort to be domestic, for our sake, and she actually baked some cookies for a school event for my sister, Iris Nell.

Now Iris Nell really should have told Mom that she’d put her pet gerbil, Giblet, under the loose-fitting foil covering the cookies, to keep him warm for the trip to school, for some show-and-tell thing. And Giblet was nice and warm too until my mother proudly whipped the cover off to unveil her delicious cookies and, clearly, a dirty and deranged rat jumped out and lunged and spat and threw rabid crap balls at all of the children. Or at least that’s how it was reported later.

I didn’t think that sounded like Giblet at all but, ultimately, that’s how it was perceived and really, that’s all that counts.

So you can see how, unlike most people, my mother is not as comforted by food as the rest of us. Sometimes, to this day, I still catch her eyeing tasty dishes, just to make sure they don’t move.

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