When parties attack

By Tiber

I think it’s clear now that Dad may have lost a lot of money, and I know he would really hate to have to fire anyone who works for him because he actually suggested that, for some extra cash, maybe they could begin hosting a few large parties here on the estate. He thought they could start small with a kid’s birthday party and since the house is so big, at least Mom wouldn’t see them vandalizing her home.

 The kids, however, turned out to be remarkably civilized. The mania mostly came just from us.

As some added stuntman entertainment before the movie, my brother, Kru, swung out on a rope over the heads of the children in the theater. He was about to let go on the far side as planned, when a little girl suddenly blocked his path. To avoid her, Kru propelled off the doorframe, which then swung him back over the kids’ heads with even greater speed – and right into a lighting fixture. Sparks flew everywhere and the kids were hustled out and down the stairs.

 Cook had been told firmly not to let any children over into the staff wing, due to insurance restrictions, so when she saw this sea of kids flowing towards her, she started pelting them with the mini-cupcakes she’d been about to set up in the dining room.

In an attempt to quell the panic, Duncan and Honor, my other brother and sister-in-law, who had dressed up as superheroes, raced to the scene early. As stated in an earlier post, Mom and Dad’s butler, Brunty, attempting to hang onto his job, has been polishing everything he can think of. And when the “superheroes” hit his now triple-shined floor, they skidded wildly and shot past the startled kids like cape-wearing bowling balls, until they crashed into the goodie-bag table at the far end of the hall.

Duncan’s allergic to chocolate so within seconds, his face blew up to twice its normal size.  His wife popped a seam in her tight superhero top and her suddenly released breasts made her chest look three time bigger.

The party was pretty much over then.

Once the kids were gone, my mother had Mrs. Brunty, the housekeeper, ride up and down the halls in one of the triplet’s little electric cars spraying Purell everywhere.

The only consolation was in knowing that at least that was the end of entertaining children. 

When the kids got home, however, they evidently had a different take. Those crazy people in that big, old house, they said, had thrown the best birthday party ever.

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One Response to “When parties attack”

  1. Emily says:

    At first I thought this blog was perhaps 80% fictional…I now realize that it is entirely truthful, but Villa De Loon is home to a family of highly sophisticated chimpanzees. Life again makes sense!

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