Brunty the butler

By Tiber

Years ago, when our housekeeper, Mrs. Brunty, came to work for my parents, we just sort of inherited Brunty, her husband. We knew he was going to live here but at some point, he started doing little jobs and eventually became the defacto butler. At first, I don’t think he was even paid. I don’t know if he’s paid much now, which means that if Dad really is in a money crunch, firing Brunty wouldn’t save much.

Brunty’s main jobs include serving at dinner and answering the door. The house is so big, that by the time he answers the door and locates the person needed, he now can’t remember who was calling in the first place. It would take too long to go all the way back to the door so he just wings it.

“Galileo to see you, sir.”

“Excuse me, sir, but Charlie Chaplin in waiting for you in the foyer.”

It drives my father crazy, not the least of it being that now so many dead people are asking for him. But my mother, always more sympathetic, says, “Oh, what difference does it make? At least you know that somebody’s at the door,” a feat my father reminds her could be accomplished by just having a doorbell.

Generally, though, Brunty is too vague and off in his own world (reminiscing about his home planet, Erin claims) to really offend anyone.

He can, however, be the master of saying things that leave people frozen. When Cook is on one of her frequent rants, Brunty has been known to murmur as he serves a dinner guest,

“I wouldn’t eat that, if I were you.”

And you can soon see the miserable guest staring down at his or her plate for the longest time, torn between not wanting to insult my parents’ hospitality and well, dying.

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2 Responses to “Brunty the butler”

  1. Shannon Michaels says:

    Genius! What fun! Finally something funny to read that is actually…..funny! Can’t wait for the next entry.

  2. ddc says:

    “Famu-Famu”–which is different than Nanu-Nanu or Shamu the whale.
    But a whale of a good laugh is what I get reading this blog line.

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